Review of Why Men Hate Going To Church

I’ve just been reading the book “Why Men Hate Going To Church” by David Murrow. I bought the book based on a review I read somewhere that outlined what I thought were well considered points detailing what exactly about church is less than palatable to men. The author raises issues from music lyrics to volunteer opportunities and he covers a wide range of psychological characteristics that, in the general, can contribute to men finding better things to do with their Sunday midday. And while he clearly makes the assertion that the things of church are more feminine than masculine, he seems to avoid the notion that the church has become “feminized”. There is a difference.

Murrow is correct about most things he mentions. Men are uncomfortable when placed for any length of time in a predominantly feminine environment. He offers as an example the man sitting in the department store while his wife tries on clothing. Surrounded by women’s cloths and undergarments a lone man feels like a lone pimple on a teen’s nose (my comparison). Murrow’s main contention is that man’s masculine nature and the feminine nature of the church are an unnatural fit. And to that end, the church intentionally or unintentionally has put forth a major effort to change what is “bad” about men.

The author chronicles the history of church attendance gender disparity with some valid observations about (among other things) how the evolution of the workweek during the industrial revolution created tangible scheduling conflicts for some men. But outside influences alone cannot account for the church being perceived as patriarchal while functionally it is very feminine. He overlooks the feminist movement and how it not only accelerated this phenomenon but also solidified these tendencies in the church. Murrow all but excuses the pastors role and avoids entirely the feminization of the pastorate along with the rest of the country including the women in church. He shares a quote from a pastor in the 1950’s who when faced with an important ministry decision was approached by a woman in his church that said, “men sit on boards but women run the church”. On first glance it seems impossible to get any more one sided than that, but it has. Inside the cover of the book is a quote from Sheila Wray Gregoire, an author. She says, “I’ve often noticed that sermons on Mother’s day tend to gush over moms, while on Father’s Day they tell dads to shape up”. It’s too bad she said this after reading the book or Murrow may have decided to dig deeper.

Besides a lack of men in church on Sunday, why should anyone care about this issue? There are many reasons, but most of them lead back to the subject of divorce. An earlier post of mine called “Christians and Prenuptial Agreements: Defeat from the jaws of Victory” talks about the tragic rate of divorce in the church and some of the reasons behind it. Without going into gender differences, it speaks of the church as a place that either intentionally or inadvertently provides “support” to those who unilaterally tear apart a family for their own self centered reasons.