Debating The Girl

Recently I googled "why men leave women" and found pages of articles. Some were scholarly and well researched, some were written by bitter men and were predictably myopic, some were based on common humorous anecdotes, and finally there were the obligatory women's relationship magazines and their take on why we unwashed would deign to dash from a princess.

I read them all. aside from the ones that originated in Elle, the articles with even a hint of thought had all thei major themes in common. What struck me though was that, rather than describing behavioral choices, they articles essentially described women...as they are. In fact, take a random list of "10 reasons men leave" and each one could be prefaced with the words "like most women do,possessing a tendency to________________ will drive a man away".

I was crestfallen. Sure I've been on the receiving end of these behaviors, from my mother, my wife, even my teen daughter. I knew them intuitively. But listed all together they read like a CV, a sort of manifesto about being a woman, like this is the stuff we are made of fellas, son't ya just love us. But if these things cause women to leave and they are part of the fundamental female make up, in general, what to do?

Quickly I looked for the converse, seeking what about me would chase her away. I wasn't surprised that almost all of the behaviors described either boiled down to men not acting enough like women (communication, empathy, affection, etc.) or described hte man's need to change something that was a holdover from who he was...before her.

The contrast of the two lists was like a two by four in the head. Her behaviors that drove him crazy mostly had to do with nagging him, and or changing him. He was not irritated by things about the wife that he wanted to change. There was no, "if she would do this instead of that". His behaviors that annoyed her had everything to do with him not changing into someone she is more comfortable with....someone, well, ...someone just LIKE her.

Old saws are usually old saws. But this old saw is as shiney and new, and insighful as the day it was created.

She marries him thinking she can change him.
He marries her hoping she will never change.

men are under too much pressure to become women in this country. Women are divocing them in greater and greater numbers as a result, and kids are the ultimate losers.